Golf: It’s Only A Game, Right?

golf-teeing-offI started playing golf again after a ten to twelve year hiatus because, well, I never quite got the idea of hitting the ball. And when I did connect, let’s just say people got out of the way.

But after watching the Masters and U.S. Open I decided to try again for several reasons – to get some exercise outside, spend time with friends and maybe get some cool clothes. So I did what any wise person would do to prepare I went straight to the first tee at a local course with a friend.

I mean what could be so hard and besides they now have that red line that follows your ball? I also got some new clubs that a pro told me were great for seniors like me. Something about they were lighter and wouldn’t strain my body so much as though golf is supposedly some kind of physically demanding sport.

So there we were on number one with me trying to remember what club Jordan Spieth would use.  Hmm, he hit three wood here about 260.  Yep, that works for me. These senior clubs are a little heavier then I thought!

I’m actually not sure how far my first drive went, but let’s just say I only saw it for a very brief time and I somehow missed spotting the red line behind it. Okay, so there is apparently still a rule about having to continuously hit the ball in a certain direction. The laughter from the carts waiting behind us also told me that golf is no longer a polite-person’s game. Oh, like I suppose you play like Phil.

I did eventually watch some golf instruction videos on You Tube. These free sessions, all hosted by people with British accents (of course Britain is the home of golf and beer), describe the 264 laws of physics that must be applied if you ever hope to see your ball travel past the ladies’ tees or avoid injuring the general public. By the way, why do the Brits measure their shots in yards instead of meters?

Apparently there are rules about take away, wrist cock, grip pressure, back swing, follow through, club speed (precisely 432 mph), shoulder turn, weight transfer, staying hydrated (and by this they mean beer) and Johnny Miller that must all be followed in just the right order or you will no doubt have to return to the first tee and start over.  I believe that’s called a Mulligan.

Anyhow, if my body could actually do all of those things, much more so in some kind of logical order, I might start preparing for America’s Got Talent right now! The snooty British guy seemed to think I would be able to get my swing down if I just did each of the exercises he prescribed a thousand times a day.

I decided that this was way too complicated so I determined to just try to hit the ball (a Titlist of course) as far as I could and then merely talk like I knew what I was doing. I got a little wristy there, Jon. Had a flyer on that one, Alan. I needed to aim a little more right, Dave, and take it down a club. Yep, flew my elbow that time. Just can’t seem to make a putt.  That sand sure seems damp today. Oops, the wind came up last minute. Where’s the beer cart?

Of course, some people getting up in years have the goal to shoot their age. I will be sixty – eight soon and am hoping to realize that achievement in the near future through at least the first five holes. The truth is that I would have to live as long as early biblical characters to ever shoot my age and by then Jim Nance will be dead and not available to call it.

Oh well, see you on the first tee. I may be there a while.

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